I wish I could go back and change the past.

Not the big moments, not the world-changing events. But those smaller regrets, behaviors and actions that still sting when they rise unbidden in my head. I travel back in my mind, re-arranging conversations and finding that no matter what I do, the shame and guilt remain. I’m sure we all doing the same thing, but recent events have me falling back more, especially when it’s the middle of the night and all I want is escape through sleep. So for this edition of (Un)Focused Definition I went back to 1990-1991, recalling the treasured mix tapes my high school friends would make that colored so much of my life, both the incredible moments and some of the more sour. For better or for worse, let’s jump into a wide array of tunes that shaped 17-year old me.

The Dave/Steve Side

• Mahavishnu Orchestra – “Eternity’s Breath 1 & 2”
• Jethro Tull – “Hunting Girl”
• Bob Dylan – “Tangled Up in Blue”
• Santana – “Changes”
• Steely Dan – “Kid Charlemagne”
• James Blood Ulmer – “Black Sheep”

Dave and Steve are brothers, musically gifted both in ability (Dave is a choirmaster and plays keyboards for some guy who wrote a riff or two; Steve has been playing and teaching guitar for more than 30 years) and in the scope of the music they love. As a young kid struggling with divorce and depression they were my closest friends and gatekeepers to music I otherwise never would have been introduced to – at least in quite the same way. From them I discovered jazz, and that jazz wasn’t just horns and be-bop. They knew my gateway was through guitar, and so hello John McLaughlin and the Mahavishnu Orchestra. So much press is given to the earlier, more electric albums but I remember being blown away when I checked out the mix tape and it opened with the two-part “Eternity’s Breath” which is still a phenomenal track. Likewise “Hunting Girl” which has to be one of the heavier, proggier moments for Jethro Tull. Maybe more than anyone else on this list, Tull was our rallying band – we would listen to ALL of their albums, but this one, from Songs From the Wood was always a favorite.

“Tangled Up in Blue” certainly wasn’t my first taste of Bob Dylan – pretty sure we played Bringing It All Back Home and “Subterranean Homesick Blues” more than anything else when in a group. But the second I heard Dylan start his story about finding love, about the shame of his poor parents, the amicable split at the docks, and their inevitable emotional reunion I knew I had heard pure poetry. Like the man said, “And every one of them words rang true.” My heart was never the same, and to this day it remains my favorite Dylan song, and one of my favorite songs of all time. I’ll readily admit the Santana choice is a little left field especially as it’s a Cat Stevens cover, but once you hear the ear worm chorus, Santana’s solo and that AMAZING percussion you’ll understand why 30 years later it still brings a smile to my face. And though it’s only been the last few years I started diving deeper into the discography of Steely Dan, “Kid Charlemagne” was always a favorite, not because it was on the mix tape (that was “Haitian Divorce”), but because at the same time Steve and Dave covered the song in their high school rock band The Clams, a logo I had proudly painted on my denim jacket. Sadly no audio exist from the band…I wish still had my old cassettes of them playing “White Room”, “Angry Young Man” and their ridiculously catchy original “When Whales Make Love”… Finally there’s the twisted and unique blend of jazz and blues from James “Blood” Ulmer. When you hear the incredible tone on “Black Sheep” and the almost martial cadence of the rhythm you’ll run out looking for copies of America – Do You Remember the Love? too.

The Mike Side

• Elvis Costello – “The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes”
• The Modern Lovers – “Pablo Picasso”
• Television – “Elevation”
• Tom Waits – “Johnsburg, Illinois”
• Ride – “Twisterella”
• The Stone Roses – “She Bangs the Drums”
• Frank Zappa – “Watermelon in Easter Hay”

The other side of the group equation was Mike, a year older than me and the one who was into the “cool” music. Where Dave and Steve brought the classic rock and the jazz, Mike brought the more punk and indie/alternative sounds to my ears. He brought me into the fold of Iggy Pop and The Stooges, he turned me on to Alex Cox and Repo Man, and gave me the gift of Elvis Costello, who I only knew from the radio-friendly choruses of “Everyday I Write the Book” and “Veronica”. I’ve already written here about my love for his debut My Aim is True, and how when I got this album it was sequenced with “Angels…” first, thus permanently imprinting it in my soul. I already mentioned Repo Man, so I had to put the classic track from The Modern Lovers on here. There are better songs on this impeccable album, but that’s the one I knew first, and it’s still a doozy in how effortlessly cool Jonathan Richman carries the swagger through to his vocals. Sometimes I can only recall albums as pairs, two recorded testaments intertwined by personal history. And so it is with Television, whose great “Elevation” was sandwiched next to the Modern Lovers track on the mix I got from Mike. Marquee Moon is another perfect album, a 10 from start to finish and I will broach no argument.

Maybe this was how Mike operated. When he introduced me to Elvis Costello, it was with the tape having My Aim is True on one side and This Year’s Model on the other. A short time later I got another cassette, this time Mike smirking as he told me this would definitely be different than anything I had heard before. And that, almost as much as anything else colored my first exposure to the magic caterwaul of Tom Waits, with Swordfishtrombones and Rain Dogs occupying two sides of a cassette I would ultimately melt from playing so much. This is another instance of where any song would be great, but I wanted something that represented one of my favorite things about Waits – the unabashed heartache he can bring on a lyric. “Johnsburg, Illinois” never fails to move. Finally, one more pairing: two of the best albums to come out of the British indie rock scene of the late 80s/early 90s with Ride and The Stone Roses. My two favorite songs from two perfect 10 albums. There’s nothing to say about “She Bangs the Drums” except it’s a perfect song, and I blush every time I song along. To give you a little insight into our nerdy humor, whenever we would play “Twisterella” I would ask,” Why do I like this so much?” “Parallel fourths” Mike would reply.

It’s a quote from The Real Frank Zappa Book written by, of course, Frank Zappa. And since I promise to have a Zappa song on every playlist. there’s no better way to end this one than with a gorgeous solo from the man off the album Dave played for me in the car one afternoon, permanently blowing my mind…

Be safe, and see you next week.